Sunday, October 09, 2005
7:29 PM
I was taking a bus home on Friday, miserably enduring the loud and annoying banter of a few sickening fatsos without the protection of my mp3 player. I almost let fly my fists onto the fattest flab's face. And for the rest of the journey, I could not help visualizing myself pounding his oily guts into a bloody mess.
I really wished I had a huge ice pick and chopper for me to decapitate him there and then. However, as I calmed down from my rage, I realised that it would not be right for me to just hit him without a reason. I would get into big trouble with the law in the 'fine' city that is Singapore.
I spent the rest of the night thinking of ways in which I could beat up someone, and yet not get into any trouble (or almost no trouble). Here are three ways I've come up with:
1
Put your bag in the middle of a pavement, and then go hide somewhere unobtrusive but where you can see the bag clearly. Wait for one sucker to pick it up, and immediately dash in yelling "THIEF! THIEF! DON'T RUN!"
If he starts to run, then he's all yours. Unless he's got very quick reflexes, usually the shock and awe would cause him to stumble as he tries to run away, giving you a distinct advantage as you take him down, and beat him to pulp.
At the end of it all, the word 'misunderstanding' would clear you of most of the more serious consequences of starting the brawl, very worth it in my opinion if you do manage to let loose several powerful pent-up punches.
If he does not run, or he happens to be a security guard checking for bomb threats, you will have to flash out your 'misunderstanding' wild card right away, and try again another place, another time.
2
Go to a pub or a coffee shop and keep a lookout for a solitary drinker who is getting drunk. Share a drink or two with him to get him even more drunk. Then forcibly try to 'take him home', loudly reminding him that he is drunk, and should go home to sleep already.
As you drag him away from the pub or coffee shop, take a deteour into a dark and secluded corner and start beating him up to your heart's content. As he is drunk silly, he most probably would not be able to put up much of a fight, guaranteeing a cathartic release of fury from you.
Alcohol often has the effect of causing people to forget what happened the night before. Pray hard that he can't remember what your face looks like the next day. In fact, pray hard that he doesn't even remember being pummeled last night..
3
Get into a fight with any stupid beng in the streets.
Simultaneously, your friend will call the New Paper, and give them YOUR side of the story.
....
It's been a really horribly bad week.
Comments:
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6 comment)
i dare u to do any of the 3 things u suggested! :p
anyway u sound like u had a rough week.. tk care k? :)
anyway u sound like u had a rough week.. tk care k? :)
# posted by 
: 9:32 PM
: 9:32 PM
Eh, speaking of which, when are you going to invite me out for your celebratory dinner?
# posted by : 2:06 PM
: 2:06 PM
What a sick psychotic violent mind you have... but still an ingenious one. You may enjoy American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. It's a superb book. Do read it sometime. You'll probably see it in a different light from most people. Here are some more:
1. Cover your face, take a fake gun, run upto the victim and then pretend to hold him at gunpoint. Take him inside a van or a discreet corner and pummel and then escape.
2. Call police and then mention that you're being chased. Find your victim, bash him, bash yourself and right before the police arrive make it look like he's strangling you. Risky though.
3. Get him drunk and take him to a "Fight Club"esque location and challenge him to a fight.
4. Sneak up and pin him down and then blindfold him. He's all yours. Just ensure that while the fight's on he doesn't get a chance to uncover his eyes.
5. Take 4 cars and follow him to his parking spot. Once he parks, cover all 4 sides of the car with your cars so that he has no escape route. Leave the window of your car that is adjacent to his driving window open. If foolish enough, he will attempt to enter your car through the window so as to ask you to remove the car and then beat him senseless. Method is complex and requires partnership.
Quite creative but of course never will I attempt any.
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1. Cover your face, take a fake gun, run upto the victim and then pretend to hold him at gunpoint. Take him inside a van or a discreet corner and pummel and then escape.
2. Call police and then mention that you're being chased. Find your victim, bash him, bash yourself and right before the police arrive make it look like he's strangling you. Risky though.
3. Get him drunk and take him to a "Fight Club"esque location and challenge him to a fight.
4. Sneak up and pin him down and then blindfold him. He's all yours. Just ensure that while the fight's on he doesn't get a chance to uncover his eyes.
5. Take 4 cars and follow him to his parking spot. Once he parks, cover all 4 sides of the car with your cars so that he has no escape route. Leave the window of your car that is adjacent to his driving window open. If foolish enough, he will attempt to enter your car through the window so as to ask you to remove the car and then beat him senseless. Method is complex and requires partnership.
Quite creative but of course never will I attempt any.
# posted by : 7:16 PM
: 7:16 PM